The shooting range is not the only place for dodging bullets:
Yep, there's lots of bullets at the shooting range. Sometimes you should just flip the safety and head home...
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He comes out of the blue on some social media site and you wrack your brain trying to remember him. Had he been a good guy or a bad guy? Wasn’t there something? He messages wondering if you are finally single and he can date you. You are charmed by his words and the past melts away. He’s working abroad but will return soon. The two of you talk for three hours on the phone and he starts texting and calling all the time. He even video chats in the middle of the day introducing you to his colleagues and you feel so happy and glad. Of course, there are a few minor red flags but you just decide to be careful. You know you look a little too hard for those warning signs. And he is already “we-ing” you! We can live in Florida or Rome. We should go to a Giants’ game. We should get married. It’s a little fast but you knew him in high school. Sometimes these things move fast. Right? And then one morning it all changes. He texts he wants to talk. Unfortunately, life is a little crazy and you message back you will call later. You get his response…
Him: Hey you. What’s your number? What’s he talking about? You text back: What number? You’ve called a bunch of times… You’re a little annoyed but want to appear cool. You add: Phone? Landline? Social security? Pin? ;-) And then it hits you. You make the horrible realization he’s texting someone else at the same time and it ain’t his sister. The You sitting at the back of the bar sipping a martini with a plateful of cigarette butts thinks, “And here it is….” The You still doodling guys’ names on her binder thinks, “Please….nooooooo…” You feel embarrassed for believing this fairy tale and know there is no coming back from this. The "we’s" have dissipated and cold hard reality has returned. You become oddly scientific as you watch this spider trying to wriggle his way out of his own web. His remonstrations are much like the stages of grief and you actually start labeling them. In two hours, either he’s finished talking to her or gotten his story straight and all the phones start ringing. DENIAL Landline message: So… Text: Hey… Text: Been trying to call you, strange you’re not picking up. A few hours later… Text: I don’t understand what’s happened to us? Can you please respond? I’ve called you numerous times only to get nothing! How can you ignore me? I must admit you fooled me, I was totally falling or had fallen for you…oh well. Text: Seriously is this what you do? It feels funny! I don’t think I let my heart go this far for a while and then nothing!! CRAZY! ANGER Text: What the hell! What happened? Do you act lame like this always? I’m freaked out! BARGAINING Text: What happened to you? I don’t understand? We were talking every day. Planning to fall in love and start a life together. My heart is filled with sadness. Please tell me. I was so falling for us. Text: I would marry you tomorrow. Please honey love me back like I’m loving you, can’t you feel us and what we could be? What about our plans? Baby Text: Call my phone please. Text: My heart is aching ok Text: Hello? Text: Will you pick me up at LAX and spend a couple of days with me? Please? CALL CALL CALL Text: Baby I’m here! I’ll call you when I wake up. I want you to pick me and not leave my side! Let’s be together and love beyond our dreams!! Ok Baby CALL CALL CALL CALL CALL Text: Hey, please pick up. Text: Please talk to me CALL CALL CALL Your only response is a text: This is not going to work. I wish you only the best. You get a rambling message about how he can’t believe you broke up with him in a text and how he now understands why you’ve been by yourself so long and a week later he texts you that it’s a bummer you’re a lesbian. So not only is he a liar and a cheater, he’s also a mean liar and cheater. In the stages of grief there is DEPRESSION and ACCEPTANCE. You do not witness these but hope he hurts at least a little. He blocks you on Facebook, you suspect because he doesn’t want you warning others. You are pretty sure he easily found someone to take your place. You realize he’s pulled this stuff in the past and has probably left a path wide with heartbreak. But it still hurts. You remind yourself you were lucky you got out early. He’s a player. He senses what you want to hear and says it to get what he wants. He’s the reason you’re so afraid. He’s the reason many walk alone. Nobody wants to be hurt that badly. He’s the reason. You review the texts and phone calls and all the platitudes come flying at you. In a world of guys like this you still “led with an open heart” and “loved like you’d never been hurt.” He tried to take advantage of you but “talk is cheap” and “actions speak louder than words.” You think your feelings are unique and special but actually you are the stuff of a really bad romance novel. You try to garner some kind of truth from the situation but the truth is there are people who make you never want to put yourself out there again because you can’t bear the potential of hurting that much. And you hate him for this. Excerpt from The Spinster's Guide to Dating A Hike From Hell provides excellent opportunities for observing potential dates: * There’s the dude, completely outfitted in khaki wicking material, who says a lot of these people have overestimated their abilities and shouldn’t be here in the first place. Of course, he keeps looking at you... *And then there’s the guy plodding behind. You talk about your social life and he responds, “This is a hiking club, not a dating club.” Wow...zero tolerance for dating... *And of course, there’s that annoying group surrounding you and pointing, just because your backpack is a little heavy and you’re turtling... *And finally there’s the one in front of you. He notices you are slipping on the rocks and offers a hand. By the end of the hike you’ve planned your wedding, the reception, but are still vacillating between strapless or spaghetti string... Yes, a Hike From Hell is a great way to meet boys. And sometimes, both the frog and the prince are wearing hiking boots.
There are definitely benefits in being a spinster... You get to go with your parents on their second honeymoon. Your friends invite you on their family vacations and you get to relive your childhood sitting with their kids in the back seat. Your widow friends invite you to their Halloween party and you get to have fun and skip the whole becoming-a-widow thing.
Yep, spinsterhood definitely has its advantages. But...the right attitude has even more. |