Dearest Reader,

Here is my article for the UK website Singles Warehouse :  

With recent political events, I’m not sure any citizens from the British monarchy are listening to the colonies anymore but after paging through 1000s of American dating profile pictures, I do have a couple pieces of advice.  Hopefully, this information will bring more romance and harmony to the British Isles. 
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1. Group profile pictures are never a good idea.

         2. Clear body parts, other than your own, from the photo.

           3.  Think carefully regarding your largest asset.

          4.   Hunter-gatherers are so passé.

           5.  Just put the Sharpie® away

​I’m hoping this assists you in selecting the perfect dating profile picture.  As you can see, the States have a way to go.

XO M.J.

P.S.  P.J. thanks for your ideas!  I'm on it!

Dearest Reader,

Last year, I talked my friend into crashing a party.  We heard all this great music and laughing and did not want to miss out.  Unfortunately, it did not go well.  Mortification has blocked some of my memory but there was confrontation, outrage, and kicking-out involved.  Looking back, we should have grabbed a bottle of wine, offered it to the hostess, and said the party sounded like a lot of fun and to enjoy the wine with our compliments.  We might have been invited to join in the festivities.  Invitation or not, it would have been a classy way to handle the situation and is exactly what I will do next time.  You, dear reader, may use this graceful option for any of your upcoming party-crashing opportunities.

Upon returning, tails between our legs, my friend’s husband was shocked by our new party crasher status and even more shocked I was the instigator.  I was chastened but also a little proud of us.  We did not stay home listening to all those people having a good time.  We put on our party pants and went for it!  Of course, we went down in flames but we STILL went for it!

In the same vein, my overarching goal for 2017 is to be more bold.  I know a life well-lived requires one to be courageous and I am ready for the challenge.  I aspire to tackle one fear-inducing activity each week and blog about it.  I’m going to talk to that guy at Peet’s.  I’m going to go to that event by myself.  And finally, I’m going to crash that party… but this time with a bottle of wine. You, dear reader, can learn from my mistakes and forge your own courageous path.  Together we can lead emboldened, richer, opportunity-filled and more productive lives because we decided to be brave.
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Happy No Fears!
XO M.J.

P.S.  Click on the Happy No Fears image for the downloadable PDF.

    In Gillian Flynn’s bestselling novel Gone Girl, the protagonist  

talks about being the “cool chick”.  She wants her man to fall in love with her so she denies her own aspirations and desires to become his dream girl.  As a result, she gets the guy but compromises her soul in the process.  

   Here is the BIG problem:  Not only is the “cool chick” setting up unrealistic expectations for her relationship, she also is doing it for the rest of us.  Men see these idealized women and start expecting everyone to behave accordingly.  Those of us who would like honest, authentic relationships cannot be ourselves and cool at the same time and thus begins the frustration. 

   Unfortunately, there are plenty of you “cool chicks” out there!  You know who you are, but if you’re in total denial, here is a list of some of your “cool chick” moves:

• You drop everything when he calls for a last minute date.  You are just easy going that way.  You are the “cool chick.”
• You wear sexy low cut tops and stiletto heels looking a little prostitute-y because you know how much he likes other guys lusting after you.  You are the “cool chick.”
• He is an hour late and gives some flimsy excuse.  No big deal.  You are easy going and such a “cool chick.”
• You watch an entire season of football games with him, even though you hate football.  Can you spell “cool chick.”
• You allow offensive talk about women.  You are not like them.  You are in a separate category called “cool chick.”
• He has hit a rough patch and you need to be understanding and pay for your dates.  What a dumb “cool chick.”
• You hang out with him at the sports bar and all his friends say they wish their girlfriends were like you.  Not everyone can be the “cool chick!”
• You say you do not like women and get along with men so much better.  You are the Benedict Arnold of women and a low-life “cool chick.”

    STOP IT RIGHT NOW!  Not only are you swimming in a huge vat of Not Happy, you are forcing the rest of us to swim with you.  By you compromising yourself, you are sending a message to all men that this is what women do.  They expect it of the rest of us and we are SICK OF IT. 
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    So, what do us non-cool chicks do?  Perhaps we should unionize and come up with a conduct contract declaring a boycott on cool chick-ery.  None of us put down our gender.  None of us sell our soul for a relationship and none of us become someone we are not.  Of course, there will be scabs among us and we will need to figure out a relevant way to deal with their actions. Perhaps, it is enough to live a life of inauthentic relationships, acting like someone else, and the consequences of those “cool chick” choices.

    There are no words....

   ​Every June, mud warriors from all over Southern California gather at Camp Pendleton for the annual Mud Run. Just taking part in the event is a victory. These folks, six months earlier, jammed the official website at 12:01 a.m. on New Year’s Day, vying for a space. By 9:00 a.m., they are all filled.

   ​Like dating, preparation is key to making this mudapalooza a success, and duct tape is the first ingredient. Swathing shoes and ankles in the stuff, one avoids the dreaded “I lost my shoe in the !@#$%& mud” phenomenon.  And who would’ve thunk a little mud would make you want a military man even more…

* There’s the former marine hunched over his girlfriend’s tennis shoes checking the tautness of her duct tape. His baby isn’t going to get mud in her sneakers if he has anything to do with it…

* Along the course, a marine blasts a steep hill with a fire hose. Participants stumble up this slippery mess as the military men yell at them.  But these guys are also the first to hold your
hand if you think you’re going to fall.

​* There is a five foot wall participants are expected to climb. A handsome man in uniform stands in the mud on one knee so you can step on it and climb over easily. (You are so tempted to loop around …)

* Toward the end, it gets quiet and you think the mud portion of the day is over. But boy are you wrong!  You come over an
embankment and blink because you cannot believe your eyes. In front of you is a massive mud sea with banners waving brightly

​a foot above it. At least 50 runners are crawling through the mud keeping their heads below the banners. To your left is a massive grandstand with spectators. Your first response: Are you frickin’ kidding me? A yelling marine assures you he is not kidding, and you join the hoards crawling across.

   For the next couple days you are finding remnants of mud where it should not be, but it’s so worth it…so very worth it. It’s worth
staying up late, jamming the website, all the miles of duct tape, being sprayed by those very handsome marines, and especially the
military families helped by your participation in the event.

   Sometimes it feels like your online dating profile pic is from the Sesame Street song:  One of These Things is Not Like the Others.  And you’re one of those things that “doesn’t belong.”  You find:

*Paraphrasing Wanda Gag:  Boobs here, boobs there, boobs and more boobs everywhere.  Almost (yours is one of the few exceptions) every picture features the de rigueur cleavage.

*One of the other exceptions shows a gal casually doing the splits looking all come-hither.

*Another positions the camera from behind so it’s hard to tell if she has any clothes on.

*On a competing site, a woman has a martini precariously perched between her breasts.  (As I said, always more cleavage…)

*Another just happens to be photographed riding a bike in her thong bikini.

*There’s one profile with no picture…just a bunch of cats. (You wonder about her response rate.)

*Further down the page, a woman is reclining on the sofa with a fishtail, in place of her legs, in some kind of mad mermaid move.

*And then there are the body parts: a pair of legs seductively crossed at the ankle, a toned arm with a hint of that ubiquitous boobage, and the perfect heart-shaped butt. 

   Somehow, your cute little smiling selfie melts in this cavalcade of hotness and all that’s left is a puddle of prudishness.  You wonder if the cat lady had the right idea...

​    A profile pic offers you a little peak at your future with a guy.  Unfortunately, it ain’t always pretty:

*The dude grins broadly displaying a huge dead fish.

*The dude grins broadly displaying a huge dead deer.

*The dude grins broadly displaying anything dead.

*He is sheathed in a loincloth exposing his man buns as he Tarzans through the jungle. 

*The guy smiles a wide, toothy grin with his arm slung around his smoking-hot daughter.

*He looks especially young for his 50 years with those straight-legged comfort mants (man pants) from the 90s.  (How old is this freakin’ picture anyway?!)

*The dude poses for a selfie with his new bestie: some big name celebrity.  (So if I date him I get on the A list?)

*He has his shirt off flaunting his man boobs.

*He has his shirt off not flaunting man boobs.
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*He has his shirt off.  (What’s the deal with the shirt off?!)

​    Yep, profile pictures offer you a little glimpse into your future with a guy.  Sometimes, even a glimpse is a little too much…

​   There comes a time in every single gal’s life when she realizes online dating is not working and she has lost her way.  Here are some sure signs you need to back away from the laptop:

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• You become the morality police and take great pleasure in telling separated men YOU don’t date guys who are still married.

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• A potential suitor proudly drops a famous friend’s name in his profile. You take a little too much joy in haughtily telling him you are not interested and to say hello to his superstar friend.  No name-droppers on your watch.

​   Yep, you have definitely lost your way.  You’re a cynical dating survivalist, holed up with your laptop, setting your sights on potential red flags and warding off suitors with your paranoia.

​    Maybe it’s time to power off and hit the bars again.